Is it true that persistence pays off? Or are you too focused on getting what you want and neglected what’s around?
Being in a relationship or the start of a relationship (ok more of the start of the relationship), we may think that being the determined and persistent party will eventually win the other party over.
You keep putting in the effort, doing all the necessary legwork, initiating the outings, seeking the other person out, but it doesn’t seem to be reciprocating.
You start thinking…
“maybe he/she is really busy“
“maybe I just got him/her at the wrong time“
“maybe I didn’t do somethings well enough or conveyed well enough“
Or maybe he/she didn’t really care, at least more than you do.
It Is Not So Easy
A few weeks ago, when I caught up with my group of friends from military days, we discussed on the topic of relationships and how some of us are still finding the other half. The discussion spurred towards an encounter where one of us was sharing what he did for the lady he was going after.
Not saying he was a hopeless romantic but the gestures were pretty revealing on his intention. Yet, he like many others, fell into the friends zone with this lady.
“It is not so easy, especially these days” he said.
But shouldn’t it be?
Relationships require both parties to continuously contribute and work together. If during the courtship, one party is willing to go 9 steps and the other is not willing to budge, move a step or even 2 or 3, how would such relationship sustain in the future? [Read: How to Start Having Meaningful, Loving Relationships?]
Many years ago, I came across this movie and thought it portrayed very well into the whole relationship paradigm. The movie “He’s Just Not That Into You” showed how being nice and the one who keeps putting in the effort just did not work out that well. Not unless you also convey your assertiveness and expectations.
The right one will not make you do all the legwork. The right one will also want to chip in his/her share to make the relationship work out.
Science of Romantic Relationships
Is it science? Is it arts?
Or is it just human biologics that took place.
In 2010, there was a study done on why couples chose to remain or part from a relationship.
It was meant to understand relationship stability.
The psychologists and authors named a few constraints including dedication, feeling, perception and material, which relates to seeing a future together as a couple.
In our current society, especially in an urban landscape, would we have focused too much on certain aspects and neglected that all elements have to come together?
And that can’t be done easily without working on it, together.
Are You Experiencing Something Similar?
To give selflessly is one sure way to feeling happy and fulfilled. When you give, you are telling others that you have more. But there are instances that we must also learn to understand that giving is not to be taken for granted. You want to give to people who deserves better as well. [Read: One Sure Method to Attain Happiness]
Givers tend to believe that taking is not a good idea. Even at times that you do, you would want to give something of much better value back.
Perhaps it’s time to re-evaluate if you have been the one overdoing on the chase.
Perhaps there’s someone waiting to reciprocate on your gestures, and treat you right.